I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
