Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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