If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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