so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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