remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
