It was confusing and full of hummus
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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