Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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