Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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