Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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