He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
