I think I won the penis lottery.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The power of my boobs compel you
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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