the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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