He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
