Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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