drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
