somebody snuck up and got me drunk
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
