So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
