well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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