i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think your dad took our porno
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
