she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
