Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
