We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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