Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
