She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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