im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
