Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
