You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
