Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
