my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
