i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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