I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
