EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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