yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
