Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
