We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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