Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They took my balls.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
