I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
