I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
