i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
