Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
