i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
