I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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