Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
