I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
