i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
