Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
