so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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