The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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