i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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