Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
