my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
