it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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